she looked like the bat from fern gully.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
