Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
