I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
