She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
