I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
