Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
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Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
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Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
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