Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
She told me I should be a condom model.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
