On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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