do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
