I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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