We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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