everyone is single if you try hard enough
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
