i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
