Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Randomize
