no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
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