I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
you traded sex for a burrito?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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