I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
