so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
