my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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