Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
