just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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