my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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