there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
