Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
