have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
