with your own penis?
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
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the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
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woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
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