dude i'm inner monologue high
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
