so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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