it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
