his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
i think my cat just said my name.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
