Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
the condom got lost in my hair
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
