You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
