I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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