I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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