i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
