She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
