an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
