last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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