I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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