Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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