Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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