my soul wont recognize me after tonight
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
we're so committed to being not committed
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
