This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Randomize
