96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
