I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
