he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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