Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize