please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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