I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
