i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
