Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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