you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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