Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
