So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
