now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
