I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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