yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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