I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
