i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
