well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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