My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
They have beer where we have blood.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
