I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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