We're like a lot better than the average bears
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
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