I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
