i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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