that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
