Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
You're a waste of cheezeits
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
