Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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