Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I just want to make out with him forever
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
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