Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
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