no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
