Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
