I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
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you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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