Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
did i walk over a car last night?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
