I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
