Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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