i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
