We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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