This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Randomize
