His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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