He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
