Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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